Wednesday, March 27, 2013


Me:  Son, you keep teasing your sister and one of these days she's going to tag you right in the eye.

     He:  Pffft! I don't think so. She knows better.

Me:  Mm-hmmmmm. Keep it up. I'm telling you, she's going to pop you one and make you cry.

     He:  Yeah, right. 

**********Several weeks later, during a power outage when nerves were high after sitting in
the dark for well over an hour*************

He:  Shut up, Randa!

     She:  Ismail, stop it. Don't say 'shut up.'

He:  You're not the boss of me. I said, 'Shut up,' so 'SHUT UP!'

     She:  Ismail! Stop yelling!

He:  Yeah, heifer! SHUT UP!

     She: No, Ismail! SHUT UP.


Me:  Aiman, give me the flash light! Son, what happened?

     He:   She  punched me in the eye! I'm going to kill her!

Me:  Let me look at it. Hmmmm. Remember a few weeks ago when I told you to let her be or she'd pop you?
    He:  Yeah?

Me:  Well, consider that eye dotted! 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Happy Mothers Day

It's Mothers Day here in the Middle East. And my kids were asking to borrow money from me all week so that they could get me gifts. Instead, I told them that all I wanted was a clean house - not by my hand - and no fighting. This was said while I clutched my purse to my chest with both hands in a G.I. Joe Kung Fu death grip.

I woke up to find Ismail scrubbing the stove top (a job I abhor) and all the dishes washed. I took Samiya to school and delivered a couple of gifts to Aiman's teachers and walked home. When I walked in the door, Ismail had swept the living room, foyer, halls; cleaned the boys' bedroom; scrubbed the stove, counters, and kitchen floor and was in the middle of scrubbing the bathroom. I cried tears of joy.

One of my kids listened to me. This is a sort of new thing now that they're teenagers.

I got started making a giant salad and pie crusts for the spinach leek quiche that I had a hankering for. Then I watched a little television and had a cup of cinnamon coffee before dashing off to pick up Samiya from school. We got home and she went off to change clothes and study for a test she had tonight with her tutor and I listened while Ismail attempted to guilt Aiman into cleaning out the girls' bedroom. It took about three hours, but he finally did it.

We had dinner together and then Ismail, perhaps more exhausted from convincing his brother to help out than cleaning, climbed into my bed and went to sleep. Needless to say, Ismail is now my favorite child. I made sure to tell him that.

And now as I'm typing this....I'm once again out of the running for MOTY award. Aiman's best friend came over to collect his homework for the past week as he was out of town for a funeral.....and I forgot they were in the living room studying and I farted. LOUDLY.

I'm not overly concerned about it though. As my sister once pointed out, "If you don't embarrass them at least once a week, then you're neglecting your duties as parent of a teenager."

Happy Mothers Day.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

my brain won't shut off

running out of hours in the day

     running in circles and getting nowhere and nothing accomplished

what else is new?

      it just seems to be that time is flying by but dragging so slowly at once

shall i rush things or shall i take my time?

     time? who has that?

a year since i've seen him and it seems like it will be a year more

     but in reality it will only be a few months

can i do this again? can i accomplish it all and on an even more limited budget?

     maybe, but it's going to hurt a bit


DAMN! all night thinking with no sleep and still haven't solved my world's problems.

Friday, March 15, 2013

I Want to Buy a...

Random conversations between me and my kids regarding high-ticket items they want to  purchase:

Aiman: Mom, I think I want to buy a volcano.

     Me: Save your money.


Aiman: Mom, I love monster trucks. I think I want one when I learn to drive.

     Me: Save your money.


Samiya: Those boots are the coolest. I really need those.

     Me: Save your money.


Ismail: I can't decide whether I want to buy a low-rider or a  pick up truck...but I think I'm leaning toward the low-rider.

     Me: Save your money.

Anyone detecting a pattern here?

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Is That Like a 'Contact High?'

With two teenage boys in the apartment at the same time, our home is experiencing hormonal overload. Damn that pituitary gland! There are fights and arguments and threats and yelling and shoving and pushing and throwing stuff and swearing and more. I am quite sick of the fact that we don't have a backyard to throw them into with boxing gloves until they either are too exhausted to argue or one has been determined the head rooster of this here hen-house and they'll just shut up and leave the rest of us be. But that's just not going to happen for several more months. In the interim, I will continue dodging the flying shoes and insults and practice meditating while saying my mantra repeatedly: "BOARDING SCHOOLS ARE AWESOME. BOARDING SCHOOLS ARE AWESOME." Also, I'll have to see about a "preferred customer discount" at the salon where I get my face threaded. Thanks to all the flying hormones, I've developed a "contact mustache."

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Man, It's Been a While

I wish that I could say that due to my usual productive busyness that I have neglected to keep up with my blog. If I did say that, I could be struck by lightening for telling lies and it would probably ruin the apartment and it's a rental and I wouldn't get my security deposit back when we finally move from here. So lying is sort of inconvenient.

Anywho, I finally noticed "Holy Crap! I haven't written anything since mid-February and it's nearing mid-March. How the hell did that  happen?" So I then I thought.....WRITE.

But write what?

Maybe I should bore you to death like I am now.....Nah. I'll just tell you the truth.

I turned into a slug. I have been staying up late watching television. Not really awesome television, either. Nope. Two nights ago, I stayed up and watched "Logan's Run" and it was lame. But I watched it. And then overslept and Aiman missed school in the morning. And all last week, I stayed up to watch two back-to-back episodes of Cougar Town. Really?! COUGAR TOWN????? And each time I watched it, I'd oversleep and he would be late for school or miss it entirely. (But it's a really funny show and I don't own a
DVR!!!) Oh, man. I'm pathetic.

I did NOT stay up and watch TV last night. But Randa came in my room and turned the fan on high and the window was open and I couldn't get out of bed this morning because I had a stiff back. So it wasn't my fault.
But the long and the short of it is this:  I haven't been overly busy with anything new or exciting or literary at all. I've only been busy playing catch up doing all the stuff I would ordinarily be doing in the morning if I wasn't such a sitcom addicted loser. I've enrolled in a 12-step program and I'll start tomorrow.

That is all.